90 Days

October 7, 2013, I was blessed to start a full time position with parago in Lewisville.

This position was a long time in coming but I so believe it happened as God would have it.  Due to the other responsibilities I had from our photography business (that we started to phase out some), managing a family business with my brother and sister, enjoying other fun endeavors from substitute teaching and volunteering plus that striving for the multiple certifications, my quasi searched for a job seemed to waiver from the outside view of Kim.  But it was interesting to me, how important and defining it became for me.

Why?  Because never had I looked for a roll where I wanted to focus on doing God’s will and deciphering was not easy at all.
Why?  Because as usual, I had to get in the way and kept trying to help God show me the way.

Wow – like He needs my help!  He who created the universe and our complex brains and hearts.  Thankfully God blessed me with a sister with the gift of prophecy who can and has told me like it really is.  Come to find out all that time I was getting all tied up inside worrying and wasting time re-engineering my resume, I was supposed to be soaking up what I did have.  That which I had made difficult to see for the forest of trees and our worldly influences.

If anything, I have learned where you are is where He wants you to be.  Of course this is another incredibly humbling lesson, but oh so powerful because it is yet another reminder of who is in control.  And because He is in control, this lesson has helped me to trust Him even more.

So I love my job and the people I am working with and even the medium that I’m working with.  Why?  Because it does give me a sense of control which I do seem to crave.  Controlling or managing what?  Paper that will ultimately end up in the trash.  Words on paper that many people gloss over.  And people’s expectations as well as hopefully I bring a little sunshine to their day.  Who knew God needing me to do this?  I do know He knew I was good at this and I know He knew I needed to be with these people as much they needed a little Kim in their lives.

But that is my 90 day plus view which is not necessarily the same view I had throughout my entire 90 days.  As it have been a looooooooooong time since I start a probationary period with a company that was important to me and my future growth, this 90 days was scary too.  Why?  Because after finally getting it, I really didn’t want to mess it up.  Where was that confidence of who was in control?  Was I relying solely on myself and my ability to learn this role that is similar to past roles I have had in the past but in an industry totally new to me?  Well, yes of course!  Why?  Because that is how quickly I roll back into thinking I could possibly control any of this.

What can I control?  My attitude, my positive point of view and how I react to the bumps and bruises along the way.  That and when I get up, when I get to the office, whether I take a real lunch or not, or how long I stay.  And of course giving my best effort in trying to learn everything involved.  But if I did all of this and they still let me go before my probationary time was over, wouldn’t I still be right where I was supposed to be?  Yes.  So why did I waste an ounce of worry over this?  Cause I am me.

This Casting Crowns’ song, Already There has become one of my favorites for this reminder and as I love the behind the hand story, I had to share that too.

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